


The Power Of Love

by sadlonelyyogurt



Category: Back to the Future (Movies)
Genre: 1980s, 80's Music, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexuality, Bullying, Cheating, Coming of Age, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake science is fake, Friendship, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Minor Injuries, Mutual Pining, Period Typical Attitudes, Questioning, Recreational Drug Use, Science Bros, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, doc brown is a good bro, gay denial and gay panic, i tried to make this historically accurate, like im not a fuckin scientist guys, marty and jennifer are dating for like 2 minutes, more tags will be added as I write because I'm honestly just winging this, pretty much all the time, she's kinda a bitch in the beginning but she gets better, so is jennifer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24649906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadlonelyyogurt/pseuds/sadlonelyyogurt
Summary: When Marty travels back to 1985, things seem like they're going to be better than ever. However, as he beings to familiarize himself with the new universe Marty realizes that everyone in his life is now a stranger. He has to navigate a world that is at once eerily familiar and entirely different from the one he used to know.And of course, to top it all off, a new kid comes to town and Marty has reason to believe he might not be as straight as he thought.
Relationships: Emmett "Doc" Brown & Marty McFly, Marty McFly & Jennifer Parker, Marty McFly/Jennifer Parker, Marty McFly/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 62
Kudos: 69





	1. 1985

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys so idk where tf i got this idea but somehow it came to be and then i wrote the entire plot and dared myself to finish it, and now i have to finish it.
> 
> it's obviously set in good ol' 85 and will have some homophobia/internalized homophobia, maybe a tad bit of PTSD but i'm not really sure yet? idk how complicated i actually want to make this lol. i'll put warnings before each chapter if any apply.
> 
> btw this is a slight au because i kind of just disregarded the 2nd and 3rd movies altogether mostly just because i'm a lazy bitch and wanted this to be easier to write. i think the story explains more of that, but this takes place after the first movie and the rest i don't care about.
> 
> anyways guys enjoy!

I was like a puzzle piece that didn’t fit. 

It wasn’t so bad, not at first. In fact, at first it was great. My house was cleaner than I’d ever seen it, my family was thriving, and Jennifer was still my girl. Plus, I had that awesome new truck. There was really nothing that could have been wrong.

Well, except me. I was wrong. 

The first thing that should have made me question my place there was Jennifer. The trip to the lake was such a blast I never gave it much thought, but she was different than the Jennifer I remembered. I chalked it up to not having seen her in a week, but I knew there was more to it than that. The first real sign was when she started talking about her best friend, Lisa.

“Lisa?” I said. “I thought your best friend was Angela.”

Jennifer looked at me as though I were crazy. “Are you kidding? Angela’s such an airheaded mall-maggot. We haven’t been friends since the second grade. You know that.”

I just cleared my throat and nodded vigorously. “Right. Sorry.”

Another thing about this Jennifer was that she loved to talk. And my Jennifer hadn’t exactly been a quiet girl, but when I say this Jennifer loved to talk, I mean she _loved_ to talk. And of course I liked hearing Jennifer's voice, I liked Jennifer. I was just always used to carrying a bit more of the conversation, if you know what I mean.

The visit to the lake was over faster than I really wanted it to be. Even if she wasn’t the Jennifer I remembered, she was still a nice girl. We never got much alone time like we got up there, and I convinced myself the whole “this Jennifer that Jennifer” thing would all pass. Eventually I’d figure the ups and downs of the new universe out, and Jennifer and I would be just fine. So we made the most of our time up there, even if it was sometimes a little awkward on my part.

I expected Jennifer to notice more. My Jennifer was real smart. It seemed the new Jennifer was, too, because she talked to me about astronomy for what must have been four hours, but she didn’t notice my strange behavior like I expected she would. It occurred to me that maybe this Jennifer didn’t know me as well as my Jennifer had.

“Hey, Jen,” I asked on the ride back. Oh, that was another thing. This Jennifer liked being called Jen. “How long have we been together?”

Jen contemplated it for a minute. “‘Bout six months, if I’m counting right. How come?”

I blanched. Six months? No wonder she hadn’t noticed, we’d only been together for six months. I’d been dating Jennifer for a year longer than that.

“Just checking to make sure you knew,” I teased, hoping I sounded convincing enough. Jen shoved me playfully, so I was pretty sure I had.

When I got home from the lake, I went to my room and cried. It almost felt as though Jennifer had died. Hell, maybe she had. Or at least, we’d never be able to see each other again. Jennifer was in some other universe, and I’d never see her again. The DeLorean could only time travel, not universe hop. 

Now I was stuck with Jen. Not that it was anything against Jen- she _was_ extremely nice, and interesting too, but it felt like I was dating Jennifer’s identical twin.

I decided I didn’t want to suffer alone. I always liked the company of other people. I grabbed my skateboard and took off towards Doc’s, but not before grabbing a quick bite of dinner.

My family didn’t watch television while we ate, which was weird. I wondered if it was like that every night. My mother cooked a whole, juicy chicken, with peas and baked potatoes to go along with it. I thought it had to be the most extravagant, delicious meal I’d ever seen her cook.

My father and Dave talked about work, how it was good, and my mother went on about the book club she was in. Linda still gave sarcastic comments, so that was reassuring. _At least one person is still similar around here_ , I thought.

Doc’s was about the same as before, too. I was pretty sure one of the clocks was different, but I couldn’t quite remember. Other than that, things hadn’t much changed. It was a relief.

“Hey Doc!” I called.

“Marty! In here!”

I found Doc in the garage, fixing up the DeLorean so he could travel to the year 2015. It had broken when I came back and crashed it into the movie theater, it wouldn’t start no matter what we did and the plutonium chamber had a high chance of exploding (Doc assured me it wouldn’t if we were careful, but I was still wary around the thing). 

“Any progress, Doc?”

Einstein bounded over to me when I came in. I ruffled the soft fur on his head and bent down to scratch behind his ears.

“I’m afraid not, Marty. There are too many consequential factors. I could easily set off a chain reaction and the plutonium chamber-” 

“Doc, Doc, I’d really not like to think about how I’m sitting in a small garage with a nuclear bomb.”

“Well not a _bomb_ , Marty-”

“Doc!”

Doc sighed. “Right, of course. I know it’s slightly perturbing, but I can assure you there’s no real danger. Well…” He trailed off after that. I felt like I was a little more than “slightly perturbed” at the idea, but I wasn’t no chicken. Anyway, the time machine was cool, I was just getting the hell out of that garage if any signs of radiation started showing themselves.

“Hey Doc?” I said as Doc puttered around the DeLorean. Doc hummed. “Um,” I swallowed thickly. “Is it weird that I feel like things are… _different_ now?”

Doc stilled. “Why, whatever do you mean?”

“I just- I don’t know, Doc. Things aren’t the same as I remember. People aren’t the same as I remember.”

“Well Marty, you changed the timeline,” Doc said. “Everything you did back in 1955 greatly impacted the future. It would be most curious if things were exactly the same as when you’d left them.”

I mulled that over. Doc was right, of course, but it didn’t really help me with Jen.

“In my 1985,” I said, because that’s what I’d begun thinking of it as, _my_ 1985, “Jen goes by Jennifer, and my brother works at a fast food place. My dad works for Biff Tannen instead of the other way around. My mom is an alcoholic and my sister is always getting her heart broken by boys who don’t want her. But here it’s all different.”

Doc nodded thoughtfully. “Is it a good kind of different?”

I almost felt like I was going to cry just thinking about it, so I lied. “Yeah, I guess.”

That night as I tried to fall asleep, I wondered why it wasn’t a good difference. It had something to do with how everyone in my life was suddenly a stranger, which I thought was a fair enough reason. I knew their face and their name, but under the surface they weren’t really my parents, my siblings, my girlfriend. And I hadn’t even talked to my friends yet. I wondered if maybe Needles would be a nice guy now. That’d be a hoot.

Needles was still an asshole. I learned that first period. 

I wondered why I felt so grateful for it. I hated Needles, he’d been a real jerk to me as long as I could remember. But the fact that he was pretty much still the same guy (with an even worse fashion sense) had me letting out a relieved sigh, and some of the tension in me dissipated. I still had Doc and Einstein, and I guess I still had Needles. It wasn't exactly reassuring, but it was nice to know.

First period was chemistry. I always thought it was a mistake, making a class that had to do with flames and dangerous chemicals the first period of the day, but it’s not like it was my call. Once, the girl in front of me fell asleep on her bunsen burner and almost all her hair burned off. It was kind of funny, actually, especially since she’d spent over a hundred dollars on a perm the day before.

There was a new kid in class. He was standing at the front of the classroom, talking to the teacher. He was tall, taller than me (which, honestly, has never been a very hard thing to be), with curly black hair that he kept in a short mullet. He was attractive, too, strong jaw and straight nose. 

He looked over at me while talking to the teacher and I sunk down a little in my seat. I hadn’t meant to be staring, but I realized pretty much everyone else in the class was, too. I felt kind of bad for him. I’d lived in Hill Valley my whole life, so I didn’t know what it was like to be a new kid.

The teacher stood up then. “Class, this is our new student, Daniel Ramirez,” she said in that bored, tired way of hers. “You can go sit down, Daniel. We’ll start the lesson now.”

Daniel started making his way over to my side of the classroom, and I realized after a moment that he was going to sit next to me. On the way to his seat he high fived Needles. _Oh, they’re already buddies. Well that’s just fantastic_. 

Daniel sat down next to me. He was handsomer up close, and he looked like he worked out too. He was staring at me out of the corner of his eye, sizing me up just like I was him.

“Hi,” he whispered after a moment, so as not to draw the teacher’s attention. 

“Uh, hey. Daniel, right?”

Daniel shrugged. “That’s what’s on my birth certificate, but you can call me Blaze.”

“Blaze?”

“It’s my middle name,” he explained. “My dad’s name is Daniel too, so I go by Blaze.”

Blaze was a weird middle name and an even weirder thing to go by, but my own name wasn’t particularly one to die for, either. Plus, Blaze was kind of cool, in a way. It made him sound like some kind of pro wrestler or something.

“What’s your name?” Blaze asked.

“Marty,” I said. “Marty McFly.”

He immediately stiffened. “Oh.”

I wondered for a moment what the problem was, but then I peered past Blaze’s head and saw Needles making faces at me. I gave him the finger. He must have already spread the news to Blaze that I was a no good loser or whatever he liked to tell the new kids about me. Goddamnit, Needles. I wished for second that he really had turned into some kind of nice, considerate do-gooder. 

The teacher was giving the lesson by that point, and I figured after a week without school that I should maybe try to get back into the swing of things. 1955 was a nice break from academics, especially since nobody actually knew I’d missed anything. As much as going back had fucked up my life, it was sort of a fun secret.

“Marty, why don’t you work with Daniel.”

I was snapped out of my thoughts. “Huh?” I said, but the teacher had already moved on.

Blaze quirked an eyebrow at me. I could tell he didn’t like me now that he knew who I was. “We’re partners for a project,” he said, voice dripping with distaste. 

I sighed. This was going to be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the first chapter is a bit slow, i wasn't sure how to really set everything up otherwise. next chapter will have more action and dialogue for sure.
> 
> thanks for reading!


	2. Drunken Excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Jen?” I said into the phone.  
> Her perky voice rang clear from the other side. “Marty! Lisa tipped me off about this totally bomb party happening over by the Twin Pines tomorrow night.”  
> “Sweet,” I said. “Wanna check it out?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hola, here is chapter 2 loves
> 
> tws for homophobia and f****t thrown around a couple times. oh also underage drinking

Blaze seemed determined to put off the project as long as possible, and I wasn’t exactly keen on spending much time with one of Needles’ pals, but I realized quickly that I was going to have to be the bigger person. I cornered him after chem on Wednesday. 

“Listen, man,” I said, and even though he had about five inches of height on me, Blaze looked kind of freaked out. I was really starting to wonder what Needles told him. It didn’t matter to me that much, but we needed to work on the project. I decided then to be blunt about it. 

“I don’t like you, either. But we have to work on this project or else we’re going to fail, and I already have a D in two other classes.”

Blaze shrugged. “That’s not _my_ problem.”

“C’mon, it’s due in three days and we already have to make up for lost time. Just come over to my house after school-”

Blaze cut me off. “No way, dude. Let’s work on it in the library or something.”

“Can’t,” I replied. “Library’s only open on Mondays and Wednesdays, and we missed our chance.”

Blaze was glancing around shiftily, as if he was weighing his options of escape. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Jesus, what’d Needles tell you about me?”

Blaze seemed surprised. He just stared at me for a moment. Then he said, “What, you guys got like a rivalry goin’ on or something?”

I made a face. “No duh. Look, whatever he told you probably isn’t true.”

“Seems like something a drug pusher would say.”

Oh, geez. Just what I needed spreading around the school. “Is that what he said? That I’m a drug pusher?”

Blaze shrugged. “And some other stuff. But mostly that.”

Goddamnit. Needles was always playing dirty just because I kicked him out of the stinkin’ band. Needles and I did have a rivalry, but I was at an unfortunate disadvantage. Needles had a gang of loyal followers who all had at least two inches on me, and I had three band members who were fun to hang out with but would rather smoke pot than get into a fight with Needles and crew. 

It meant that while Needles and I were at odds and I never liked backing down from fight, it was me against four and even I wasn’t stupid enough to start anything if I could help it. Paul might have backed me up, but I honestly wasn’t too confident in his fighting abilities.

“Listen,” I said, hoping sounding sincere would be enough to convince him I wasn’t going to try anything, “I’m not gonna sell you drugs. Can we just work on the project?”

Blaze looked me over one more time before finally nodding. “Fine. You don’t seem like a stoner, anyway.”

I tried to be friendly with Blaze, I really did, but he was still wary of me. I think it had mostly to do with how he was in Needles’ crew. It wouldn’t look too good on him if he was seen buddying it up with Marty McFly. I thought that was pretty fucking shallow, but I also knew the stakes. Being on Needles’ good side was a thousand times better than being on his bad one.

By the time dinnertime rolled around, Blaze seemed like he at least didn’t think I was going to shove cocaine down his throat, and our project was mostly finished. I counted it as a win.

“Hey, you’re uh… you’re not so bad Marty,” Blaze said as I showed him out. “Sorry for being a dick and stuff.”

“It’s cool,” I said, and it _was_ cool because I wasn’t going to hold it against him. I’m not that petty. 

“So, uh, how ‘bout I come over after lunch on Saturday and we can finish it?”

I shrugged. “Sounds good.”

Just as I shut the door, the phone rang.

“Marty, it’s Jennifer!” My mom called. As I took the receiver from her she whispered, “Such a sweet girl, that Jen. She’s a real good match for you.”

I nodded uncomfortably as I watched her walk away. It was so strange that she didn’t hate Jen like she did before. I was glad I didn’t need to hide anything, though.

“Hey, Jen?” I said into the phone.

Her perky voice rang clear from the other side. “Marty! Lisa tipped me off about this totally bomb party happening over by the Lone Pine tomorrow night.”

“Sweet,” I said. “Wanna check it out?”

“For sure. See you later, babe!”

The line went dead. _Babe_? Jennifer never called me babe. Jen was more flirtatious than her, though. More loud and upfront about things. I hated to say it, but she was a bit of a valley girl. She was smart, and I knew it because she got good grades and could have deep conversation, but it seemed she didn’t really apply herself if she didn’t think it was necessary. Jennifer was always more reserved than her, more sensible, in a way.

Being seventeen, I’d been to plenty of parties in my lifetime, but nothing could ever amount to the absolutely banging blowouts that took place in the neighborhood surrounding the Twin Pines Mall. It was a place full of rich, young college aged kids living off their parents' money in giant houses. The people around there held parties every weekend and highschoolers were let in as long as they looked possibly legal and could prove they knew somebody who was there if they were ever asked. 

So, yeah, it was a pretty rad place. It was called the Lone Pine Mall now, since I accidentally ran over that pine tree, I was thrilled to know it was still an awesome party neighborhood and not some old person boulevard. Plus, the houses were even bigger than they’d been in my 1985. I wondered what I’d done to make that happen.

I drove Jen there in my new truck. I was getting used to having it at that point, but I hadn’t driven it much because I still liked my skateboard. It was more practical.

The party was loud and chaotic, but Jen seemed to know what she was doing. She was wearing fishnets and a tiny black leather miniskirt, with the tallest heels I’d ever seen her in and a tight shirt that fell off her shoulders. It was something Jennifer would never have worn. 

I wondered if Jen had done this partying thing a lot before with the other me. Jennifer and I partied plenty for two seniors, but we weren’t exactly party animals. I was more into it than she was. 

As we stepped into the living room that made my own look like a storage closet, music blaring and lights flashing wildly, Jen seemed right at home. She immediately grabbed shots for us from someone passing by.

“Oh, I dunno if we should really-” 

Jen scrunched her eyebrows together in a sort of confused, pouty expression. It reminded me of Jennifer. “What’re you talking about, Marty?”

“Well I just don’t think-”

She downed her shot and handed me mine. “What’s gotten into you? You’ve been acting weird lately.”

I sighed. She’d finally noticed. At that point the glass was already in my hand, so I downed the alcohol, wincing at the burn in my throat. I drank at parties sometimes, but not a lot. It never really sat well with me before, knowing I could get addicted to the stuff and turn out like my mom. But now my mom was radiant and thriving, and I had nothing to worry about. Or so I convinced myself.

Jen found us cups of punch at some point, which I drank too. We were dancing the night away, her grinding up against me as dozens of other sweaty bodies did the same around us. I realized after a while that I’d had a lot more to drink than I probably ever had in my life.

My stomach wasn’t feeling so good.

“Jen,” I choked out at some point, “I think I’m gonna ralph.”

I don’t think she heard me, but the music was going pretty loud. I turned and willed myself not to throw up on someone as I made my way out of the house and into the backyard. I found a bush in a less populated area and was sick for a minute or so. I wondered distantly why Jen hadn’t followed me.

There weren’t many people in that part of the yard. It was away from the pool and the patio, over towards a nicer part of the garden. There were at least three other people throwing up nearby me, and I could see two pairs of legs belonging to two people who, I realized with a bit of start, were fucking in the meager shelter the space between the shed and the fence provided. 

I stood up a bit too fast and turned around, causing me to half fall into the bush I’d just puked in before I regained my balance and stumbled around in a directionless loop for a moment. I couldn’t remember exactly why I’d stood up in the first place, but I knew I needed to find someone. 

There was a dark space between the wall of the house and the tall fence surrounding the property that acted as a bit of an alleyway from the backyard to the front. It was quiet there, which was nice because my head was pounding. 

I didn’t realize it when I stumbled across two people making out. They both seemed just as surprised as me, and I lurched backwards away from them. I couldn’t make out their faces real well, but I could tell after a moment that they were both male. My brain immediately repelled the idea, and I could feel my stomach starting to reject whatever the fuck was left in it again. 

“What the fuck…” I slurred, at the same time one of the guys said, “Shit, McFly?”

I stood there dumbly for a minute, trying to place the voice. Then it clicked.

Holy crap. One of the guys was Blaze.

I’d fallen at some point, though I didn’t remember it, and I was staring up at him through the shadowy gloom the roof provided. I still couldn’t see his face very well, but it was definitely Blaze.

“Look, Marty…” he said, and the other guy was already gone.

“What the fuck?” I said again. I was dizzy.

Blaze knelt down, extending his hand towards me. “Hey, you okay?”

I scooted backwards, away from him. “Don’t touch me,” I said. “Don’t touch me.”

He backed off then, raising his hands in surrender. I got to my feet and bolted, remembering all at once that I was supposed to find Jennifer.

No, not Jennfier, I reminded myself, Jen.

I couldn’t believe the new kid was kissing a dude. He was making out with a _guy_. I didn’t hate gays or anything, I never really thought about it before, but knowing Blaze had willingly kissed a boy had me feeling a strange sort of fear about him. He was a perfectly nice guy besides the whole Needles thing but… he was also a fag. I wondered if Needles knew. 

Then I remembered watching as Jason Meyers took Needles fist to his face again and again as Needles called him all sorts of horrible things, like pansy and faggot. Saying stuff about Jason that made me shiver as a freshman. Yeah, Needles probably didn’t know.

I was wandering aimlessly through the house at that point, wondering what I should do about what I’d seen (Tell someone? Talk to Blaze?), when those thoughts flew suddenly out of my head. Because there was Jen, lively, talkative Jen, and she was kissing another guy. And not just kissing him, either. She was straddling his lap, her hands up his shirt, her tongue in his mouth, and I stopped dead in my tracks because _not Jen_. Even if she wasn’t Jennifer, even if she was loud and didn’t use her brain sometimes and barely let me get a word in, she was all I had left of the Jennifer I used to know. I wanted to keep her close because I wasn’t ready to let go of that girl who I was fairly certain I very nearly loved.

“Jen?” I croaked, and a few people around me whistled or gave low “oooooh”’s.

Jen whipped around from where she was sitting. The guy below her tried to follow her mouth with his, too stoned to realize what was going on.

“M-Marty I-”

I stood there in shock for a minute before regaining my composure. “Let’s go,” I muttered. I was embarrassed and hurt and confused, my head was pounding and my stomach still felt like it wanted to let loose. I had to get out of that place, but I wasn’t going to leave Jen without a ride.

Jen stood obediently, a bit wobbly on her feet but probably not half as bad off as me. I knew I shouldn’t have been driving in that condition, but I didn’t care.

When we got to the car I fumbled with the keys for what must have been a good forty seconds before Jen gently took them from my hand and guided me to the passengers seat of the car. She at least had the decency to look ashamed.

I think I fell asleep on the ride home, because the next thing I knew Jen was shaking me awake and we’d pulled up inside my garage.

“Marty, ya gotta go inside,” Jen said, voice slurring from the alcohol and tiredness. 

I blinked for a moment before nodding and sloppily unbuckling my seat belt.

Jen drummed her fingers on the steering wheel nervously. “Do you have a skateboard I could borrow?” She asked. “It’s dark and I got no other way home but walking.”

“Didn’t know you could skate,” I said.

She gave me a look, one I’d seen on her face several times recently. “What'd you mean? We skateboard around town together all the time.”

Oh yeah. New universe, new Jen with new skills and new hobbies. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “Sometimes- sometimes I forget.”

“You’re drunk.”

I just nodded slowly and yawned. I was too tired to think about any of it right then.

“I’ll take the board then,” Jen said. She got out of the car, and I followed her lead. “Get some sleep, Marty. And I um…” She sighed, slouching and shoving her hands down the tiny pockets of her miniskirt. Jen and Jennifer were so different right then that it scared me. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and then I turned away and stumbled into the house because I couldn’t stand looking at her face anymore. 

I wondered if I deserved better than her, or if she deserved better than me.

The next day I called up Blaze and told him I’d finish the project by myself. He just said “Oh”, and then I hung up. I wasn’t sure I could think about him right then. I had bigger problems than who Blaze kissed while he was drunk at parties.

“Marty,” my mother said once I’d hung up, “I just saw Jen outside on her skateboard. I think she’s here to see you.” She winked and I forced myself to smile back. 

“Thanks, mom.”

Jen was walking up to the front door when I stepped outside. She stopped when she saw me, my skateboard dangling in her hands. 

“Uh, hi,” she said, her voice quieter than I’d ever heard before. Well, than I’d heard before from Jen.

“Hi.”

She was chewing furiously on a piece of gum, refusing to look me in the eye. She was nervous, and I knew what she was going to say even before she said it.

“I think we should break up.”

My breath caught in my throat, but I managed to choke out, “Yeah?”

Jen sighed. “It’s just, well, you’ve been acting so different Marty.” She took a half step towards me, finally looking at me. I found I couldn’t meet her eyes. “Ever since last weekend. I noticed at the lake you weren’t quite yourself but I thought maybe you were just sick or something. And then I realized it wasn’t that, but I thought you’d tell me when you were ready. But you didn’t, and I’m sorry I cheated on you with that guy but I was drunk and not thinking… it’s a bad excuse, I know but just…”

I was gripping the door so hard my knuckles were white. “Yeah, I know,” I said softly. “It’s- it’s okay.” 

“Marty please-” Jen extended her hand towards me, even though she was too far away to reach “-please don’t cry.”

“I’m not,” I said, voice breaking. 

She let her arm fall down to her side. “I’ll leave the board in the garage, okay?”

I nodded almost imperceptibly, but she got the message. I watched as she turned, glancing over her shoulder one last time as she made her way to the garage. I thought I saw her shoulders shake slightly, like she was crying, but I couldn’t quite tell through my blurry vision.

 _Not Jen_ , I thought, _Don’t take her away from me, too_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think that chapter was maybe a little /too/ dramatic, but i kind of needed all that to happen to set up for later chapters so here were are.


	3. Man Up, Slacker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey McFly, I heard something _mighty_ interesting yesterday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyye it's chapter three. I had so much writers block during this, so sorry for coming out a bit late with it.
> 
> tws for homophobia

“Hey McFly, I heard something _mighty_ interesting yesterday.”

I slammed my locker shut and turned to face Needles. He and his crew were all clustered around me, smirking and leering. 

“What’d you want?”

Needles inspected the rings on his fingers for a moment, pretending to be unconcerned, before looking up at me with an expression that loomed on menacing. “A little birdie told me that your girl Jen was making out with some college dweeb at a party Friday night.” I felt myself stiffen. “You know anything about this, McFly?”

I just glared at Needles as hard as I could and tried to make my way to class. Unfortunately, two of his goons blocked my path.

“So you _do_ know about this, huh?”

“Mind your own business, Needles.” And then, even though I knew it’d cost me trouble, “And would you do everyone a favor and bag your face while you’re at it? I mean, _yeesh_.”

Needles only smiled sickly back. “Funny, coming from the guy who’s girl just cheated on him.” 

I swallowed thickly, trying to contain my anger. I didn’t care if Needles made fun of me all day, but I hated that he was bringing Jen into it.

“Anyways, does this mean Jen’s up for the takin’? I sure would like to get my hands on that sweet piece of-”

I would have hit him then, if it hadn’t been for another person arriving on the scene. “Hey, leave him alone Needles.”

Everyone’s head swiveled simultaneously towards the voice. I was more than surprised, as was Needles judging by the expression on his face, to see Blaze making his way towards us.

“What the hell are you buttin’ in for?” Needles demanded. “You on his side now or something?”

“It’s not about sides,” Blaze replied, leaning casually on the locker next to me. “You’re being an asshole, so why don’t you fuck off?”

Needles just gaped at him. I think I was making a similar expression.

“Who do you think you are-” Needles began, and I was bracing myself for a fight, when Strickland’s voice rang through the halls.

“What are you slackers up to now?”

There was a collective sigh from everyone except Blaze.

“We was just having us a nice little conversation about our homework,” Needles said smoothly, brandishing that expression of sweet innocence I hated.

“Wait around here any longer,” Strickland barked, “and you’ll be late to class. Off with you.”

Needles and crew scattered and I was ready to follow when Strickland grabbed my collar. “Don’t let those boys pick on you, McFly,” he said, still in his usual harsh tone, but I was surprised he was giving me advice and not calling me a slacker. “Cause you know what you are? You’re a slacker.”

Ah, there it was.

“Your father was a slacker,” Strickland continued, and I prepared myself for the speech, “But you wanna know something, McFly? He picked himself right up, sometime in senior year. Wasn’t much older than you. You’d better get a move on it if you wanna have any time left, McFly. Otherwise you’re gonna be a slacker your whole life McFly, just like the rest of this lousy town.”

I knew I was staring, but I couldn’t imagine I was hearing him right. Was this Strickland’s version of motivational? And was this really him?

Strickland dropped me then and moved on. “Get to class, boys,” he ordered, and Blaze and I hurried off. I still wasn’t sure that was really Strickland.

“Who was that guy again?” Blaze asked. I almost forgot he was next to me. “Strikelar or… Stick… no…”

“Strickland,” I said, a little too fast.

“Right.”

I kept glancing at Blaze out of the corner of my eye. None of this made any sense. I was two hours into the day and it was already weird.

“Why’d you help me?” I blurted when the silence was bordering on uncomfortable. 

Blaze just shrugged like it was no big deal. “It was… a thank you.”

“A thank you?”

He stopped walking. I turned to face him. 

“Thanks for not… well this is awkward, but thanks for not saying anything to anyone, uh, about Friday, you know…”

I pulled my backpack higher on my shoulders. “How do you know I didn’t tell anyone?”

“No one’s talking about it.”

Well, that made sense. Blaze was smart, I probably wouldn’t have thought of that. 

“Anyway, uh, thanks,” he said. I still felt pretty awkward about the whole thing. I tried to come up with a nonchalant response.

“I don’t judge people on what they do when they’re drunk.”

Blaze’s expression fell a bit. “Uh… right.”

Something occurred to me then, and I didn’t much like it but I had to ask. “You _were_ drunk, weren’t you?”

He shuffled his feet around, looking like I’d cornered him. He had to have been drunk, he had to have been. He was pretty cool and if he were a queer I wouldn’t know how to handle it.

“Well, I was a little buzzed I guess,” he said finally, staring at the ground.

It would have been easier for him to lie to me. He could have said he was drunk off his ass and laughed it off and I would have believed him. But he didn’t, and that’s what really got me. He was honest in a situation where it made a lot more sense to not be. He could have been betting on his life. Though Hill Valley was never known for violence or hate crimes, it was known for its gossip, and if I said anything to anyone else his safety would be at risk.

I think I was making some sort of disgusted expression, because then he said, “Please don’t freak out.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, just staring at him. When I thought of a homosexual, I thought of a pedophile luring preteen boys into his car, or a man who had too much sex for his own good and as a result was slowly dying of HIV (I’d seen the pictures in the newspaper, the pictures of thin, pale men with purple splotches on their bodies and in their mouths). When I thought of a homosexual, I thought of a flambouyant, bohemian, disease ridden, sex addicted, mentally ill middle aged man. And although I didn’t know Blaze very well, he didn’t really seem to be any of those things.

There were also the boys Needles picked on, who certainly weren’t like those men, but they were boys who’d never manned up enough for their own good. They were the boys in theatre club or the boys who didn’t participate much in gym. Blaze wasn’t like those boys, either. He seemed pretty tough, and he must have been to get into Needles gang. Needles sure wasn’t handing out invitations for free.

I finally managed to piece my thoughts together in a way that wouldn’t come out offensive or too indifferent. “So, what are you, gay or something?”

He laughed uncomfortably, a small puff of air that he’d been holding in, but he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t about to admit much else to me, but the fact that he wouldn’t talk was a pretty sure sign that I’d guessed right.

The bell rang suddenly, startling us both.

“Better get to class,” I mumbled, scurrying off. Luckily it was a notetaking day so we didn’t have to work together, but I didn’t take down any notes. All through chemistry I scribbled down songs lyrics questioning sexuality.

“Marty, you’re going to try out for that music audition, aren’t you?” 

“Music audition?”

My mother forked some carrots onto her plate. “There’s that 'Battle of the Bands' thing, remember? You said you were going to audition with your band.”

I paused for a moment. When I thought about it, there _had_ been signs for the audition around school, but I assumed they were just left over and hadn't bothered to read them. In my 1985, the audition had already happened, and my band was “just too darn loud.” Maybe it was scheduled for a later date here.

“He’s probably too scared,” Linda said, and I rolled my eyes at her.

My dad clapped me on the shoulder. “They’ll love it, Marty.” It was weird, having him actually give input to a conversation. It was weird talking with my family much at all, though out of everyone, my father had probably changed the most.

I only shrugged. I knew my band wouldn’t make it into the show anyway, and the rejection wasn’t something I wanted to go through again. It was humiliating enough the first time. Anyway, I didn’t know if we’d be any good. I hadn’t gone to a band practice yet and I wasn’t sure if we still even played rock n’ roll.

“Don’t be shy,” mom said. “I want to come see you play in the show. We’ll all be there to support you.”

I couldn’t imagine how embarrassing that would be. I never wanted my parents or my siblings to watch me perform, especially not with my band. I knew I couldn’t say that, though, because this family was probably used to me performing in front of them all the time. I only needed to display so many sudden changes in behavior before they would start getting suspicious.

“You used to always be so confident about your music,” my dad asserted. “What’s wrong now?”

I floundered for a convincing answer. “Nothing’s _wrong_ , I just don’t don’t know if we’ll try out for the show.”

“But why not?” My mother pressed. 

I sighed. “Please just let it go, mom.”

“Marty, I don’t understand-”

“Please mom-”

“Is everything alright with you-?”

“I’m not trying out for the talent show, okay?” I snapped. 

Everyone was staring at me, and my mother looked as if I’d slapped her. I stood from the table and left the room as quickly as I could. 

“What was that about?” I could hear my father asking, and Dave replied, “He shouldn’t have been so disrespectful.”

“He’s still a teenager,” Linda said, “he’s dealing with all his _emotions_.”

I stomped up the stairs and collapsed on my bed. I felt terrible, freaking out on my mom like that. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal if she hadn’t had that look on her face after. It wasn’t her fault, after all, that I wasn’t the son she knew.

Before, my mother would have just scolded me for raising my voice. Maybe the Marty they knew had never really raised his voice at them much.

There was a knock at my door. 

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” It was my mom.

“...Okay.”

The door opened and closed quietly, and although I was too ashamed to look up I could hear my mother making her way over to my bed. 

“Marty,” she began, “You’ve been acting strange lately. Is something wrong?”

I shook my head against the bedsheets. Mom sighed.

“I hate it when you keep things from me. You know that.”

I didn’t know that, but it sure made me feel even worse. “I’m sorry,” I said, even though it wouldn’t fix anything.

“I’m not mad, honey, just concerned.”

“Yeah.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Sweetheart, please talk to me.”

I finally turned my head to look at her. She was sitting tentatively on the edge of my bed, looking down at my face hopefully.

“I’m just really confused right now, mom.”

“Oh, honey.” She reached down and pulled me up from the position I was lying in, until she’d engulfed me in a hug. At first I wasn’t sure how to respond, but after a moment I leaned into it. She smelled like my mom, but with a little less alcohol and a little more perfume. It felt nice.

There was a part of me that wanted to break down balling in her arms while she shushed me to sleep, like my mother would have when I was kid. I didn’t do that, though. I was too old. Instead, I breathed in her comforting scent and tried not to think about anything else while she rubbed my back in small, soothing motions. 

“Your father and I are always here for you, and we love you no matter what,” she said. “I’d like it if you talked to me, but… I know senior year can be hard. Just find help if you need it.”

I slumped against her, finally relaxing completely. There was too much going on, and this was familiar. Neither of my parents would have ever won mom or dad of the year, but my mother always was good about knowing when one of her kids was down. She always took good care of us then.

She stroked the back of my head, and I was so exhausted from all that was happening that I fell asleep just like that.

From the moment I woke up the next day, I was thinking about Blaze. I saw his curly black hair in my mind and wondered what he was doing. 

_Why do I care so much?_ I asked myself.

 _I don’t_ , my brain fired back.

I continued on in this manner all through breakfast, a battle between my brain and well, my brain. I wondered how normal it was to have an internal dialogue over whether or not I cared what Blaze thought of me. It probably wasn’t normal, I decided, but I couldn’t shut my mind up.

It occurred to me that maybe if I just spent some time with him then I would know what was going on with me. Part of me wanted to see him, but another was still scared to. He was _gay_ , after all. What if he came onto me, or did something weird? But he hadn’t done anything like that before, and he didn’t really seem like the type. I didn’t trust him really, but I called him up anyway.

A woman answered with heavily accented English. “Hello?”

“Hi,” I said, “This is Marty McFly, a friend from school. I was wondering if I could talk to Blaze?”

“Oh Marty, the science partner! I am his mother, Rosanna. I’ll get him for you.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

I waited a beat, wondering how much Blaze had told his mom about me, before Blaze’s voice came through on the other side of the phone. “Hey Marty.”

“Hi.” I swallowed. I didn’t really know what to say. “You’re mom’s nice.”

“Huh? Oh, my mom, yeah. She’s very enthusiastic.”

I laughed breathily. “Uh, listen, I was wondering if you were free today? To hang out, maybe?”

“Oh, um, sure.” I couldn’t really tell because I couldn’t see his face, but he seemed surprised. “Where were you thinking of?”

“We could meet up by the train tracks,” I suggested, deciding it would be better to go somewhere private.

“Right…” He paused for a moment. “I have no idea where those are.”

I couldn’t help but smile a bit. “Oh yeah, sorry. How ‘bout this? Meet me at my house in ten and I’ll take you there.”

“Cool,” he replied. “It’s a date--- er… poor choice of words. I’ll see you in ten.”

He hung up, probably embarrassed, but if you asked me it was kind of funny. Endearing, in a way, though the moment my mind used _that_ word to describe it I told my brain vehemently to shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember y'all this is set in the eighties so teenagers grew up in a society that stigmatized homosexuality, especially since it was during the AIDs epidemic. Marty's thoughts on homosexuality are only based on the very little, false information he was exposed to.
> 
> thanks for reading!


	4. No Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You okay?” He asked. He held up his hand to shield his eyes against the California sun.  
> I was breathing hard.  
> Blaze was kinda nice looking. I never really noticed it before, just thought he was aesthetically pleasing, objectively attractive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter four here (fucking finally)
> 
> sorry for the wait y'all. enjoy!

I thought it might be awkward, hanging out with Blaze after everything, but he was surprisingly easy to talk to. He showed up at my house right on time and we made our way toward the train tracks, chatting the whole way. I learned a few minutes in that he was great with cars, and liked loud engines and Ferraris.

“My mom and dad are both really good with cars,” he told me. “My dad used to have an auto shop, and I helped him out there ever since I was a kid.”

“How come you moved here?” I asked.

His face reddened a bit and he looked suddenly kind of sad. I realized I’d accidently touched on a sore subject.

“Uh, my parents divorced,” he said.

I didn’t know how to react. Growing up my parents' relationship had always been rocky, and I knew I could at least somewhat understand. However, in the new 1985 they acted like newlyweds, so it wasn’t as if I could outwardly empathize with him. 

“It’s not a big deal,” Blaze said when I was silent for a second too long. “But my dad didn’t want custody and my mom was struggling a bit financially, so we moved out here.”

Another thing I learned about Blaze was that he was startlingly honest. He didn’t hold back the truth unless it was absolutely necessary, and I don’t think he ever once lied to me. I wondered how any seventeen year old could ever survive being so bad at keeping secrets, especially one of his… preference. 

We’d only walked for a few minutes before we arrived.

The train tracks weren’t a typical hangout among teenagers in hill valley, except for stoners when the cops got wise to the other places they liked to go. The area around the tracks was empty that day, though, and so Blaze and I didn’t need to worry. 

I don’t think Blaze was all that concerned about being seen with me, but I didn’t want word getting back to Needles that Blaze and I were friends. I wasn’t too keen on trying to hang out someplace like the cafe just to get harassed, and I especially didn’t want that for Blaze. He still seemed kind of innocent to Needles’ assholery.

“Geez,” Blaze said, surveying the landscape, “No offense, but this place is totally out of it. You come here for fun?”

I snickered and shoved him playfully. “Sometimes. What would _you_ suggest?”

Blaze shoved me back, smirking. “Street racing,” he said. “That’s what my friends and I used to do on the weekends.”

We climbed on top of one of the empty shipping bins and Blaze tried to teach me karate for a while. When I asked him where he learned, he answered seriously, “Ralph Macchio.” 

For lunch we chewed some gum to stave off our hunger and Blaze convinced me to go with him to the racetrack. I hadn’t been there much before, but Blaze told me it was the first place he found the location of after moving.

We snuck under the bleachers that lined one side of the oval and watched through the spaces between the steps, our stomachs in the dirt. Blaze said he didn’t have the money or the care to get in the legal way.

The racetrack wasn’t much and it was just a dirt track until a few years before, but it was good enough for the people who wanted to race in Hill Valley. No one who lived there was much of a daredevil anyway, and anyone seeking serious motorsports, or really serious anything, would get the hell out of that town.

“So, you come here a lot?” I asked, trying to keep my voice low so not to be heard by anyone watching from the bleachers, but loud enough so that Blaze could hear me over the roar of engines.

Blaze nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yeah. I come all the time after school. Once I was able to climb on top of the bleachers without anyone noticing. The view’s way better up there.”

“Who would have guessed?” I said, and he laughed. 

He had a nice laugh. 

We watched the cars for a while, though I caught myself several times watching Blaze instead. His eyes lit up whenever a car went by, and his face was focused intently through the whole thing. Cars and racing had never been a passion of mine, that had always been music for me, but I could see the appeal. It was fast, loud, and dangerous. 

“So, you race too?” I asked him on the way home, recalling our earlier conversation about street racing.

“I don’t _too_ much because I don’t want to get in trouble,” He said. “People are strict, you know, especially since my mom’s not from the U.S.”

“Where’s your mom from?” I asked.

“Oh, Cuba.”

“Cool.”

He shrugged. “Anyway, I used to race more. This town seems kinda uptight, though. I dunno how many illegal drag races are really going on.”

I chuckled at that. “You might find more action by the Twin- er, uh, Lone Pine Mall area,” I told him. “Less old people.”

“Yeah, Needles told me about how that’s a wilder part of town. I just wish I could drive in a real race, you know?”

We talked for a while longer, even after we got to my house. We sat on the lawn and chatted until Blaze checked his watch who knows how long later and cursed.

“What time is it?”

He stood, dusting off his clothes. “Almost eleven. I told my ma I’d be back by ten. I gotta bounce.”

“Shit, you’d better run, man. See ya.”

He waved goodbye and took off in a full sprint towards home. I watched him go before heading back inside. 

“Marty, your mother left some dinner on the table for you,” my dad said when I got to the dining room. “You sure did sit on the lawn an awful long time.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, we just lost track of time.”

I scarfed down the baked macaroni my mom made that night before going up to my room and collapsing on my bed. I played guitar quietly for a few minutes, but my thoughts kept drifting to other things. Blaze, mostly. I knew it was kinda gross, and weird, that he liked kissing boys and not girls, but I also knew my parents raised me better than to judge people based on something like that. I wondered if my new parents were the same. 

So, Blaze was a queer and I wasn’t really _okay_ with it, but he was also nice and funny and a cool guy to hang out with. He risked his position in Needles’ gang just to stick up for me. I felt I at least owed him for that one, if nothing else. 

Plus, I realized that hanging out with him that day was the first time in a while that I hadn’t been thinking about being in a totally new universe. I really had enjoyed myself.

Maybe Blaze wasn’t so bad.

We hung out a lot after that. Became pals, friends I’d even say, and I’ll be honest I skipped out on more than one band practice to see Blaze instead. Blaze got kicked out of Needles’ gang, but he told me they were all dumb dickheads anyway. This I’d already known.

Needles bothered us some, but it was only small remarks or innocent shoves that we could both easily counter with the finger or our own banter. 

It was only a few weeks into our routine of hanging out after school that I started noticing things about Blaze. Like how he had a really nice complexion, and freckles on his nose, and he smiled more with the right side of his mouth than the left. He made dumb jokes that I laughed at no matter how bad they were. He did stupid stunts like climb up the tallest thing he could find as if it were a jungle gym, and I followed him up every one. 

One Saturday day we snuck up the back of the bleachers at the racetrack when it was crowded enough that no one would pay attention to us, and we watched the race from start to finish. I always stole glances at Blaze when we were at the races. I didn’t really know why I did it back then, but I kept looking anyway. I never thought too hard on it. 

It was one time that I looked over at him, though, and realized he was glancing over at me, too. I got that awkward feeling when you accidentally make eye contact with some random kid in class or something, except it was a thousand times worse. I think Blaze noticed, too, because he immediately glued his eyes back to the race. 

I wondered for a moment why _I_ would distract Blaze from his favorite thing in the world. And then something hit me, like I’d been punched in the chest- what if he was… checking me out? 

There was part of me that was immediately disgusted, but I wasn’t such an idiot that I didn’t realize I’d basically been doing the same exact thing just a second before. 

_That_ left me reeling. I hadn’t been- there was no way I-

Sonuvabitch.

I stood abruptly. Blaze jumped in surprise.

“You okay?” He asked. He held up his hand to shield his eyes against the California sun.

I was breathing hard. 

Blaze was kinda nice looking. I never really noticed it before, just thought he was aesthetically pleasing, objectively attractive. 

_Maybe that’s all it is_ , some voice in my head tried to convince me. _You’re just overreacting_.

But then Blaze swallowed and my eyes followed his adam's apple as it bobbed up and down. Yeah, I needed a while to think about this shit.

The ability to form full sentences left me completely then. Just my luck. “I’m okay. I’m-I’m fine. Feel like shit. Gotta go.” 

“Wait, are you sure you’re okay? Let me walk you home.”

 _Walk me home_. That felt a bit too… you know what it felt like.

I shook my head. “No, no, uh. I’m fine. I’ll just- bye.”

“Marty, hold on-”

I jumped the fence from the bleachers and hit the ground below, and with the way I fell it’s a miracle that 1) no one saw me, and 2) I didn’t break my ankle. I probably looked like an idiot, and I could feel my face heating up at the thought of Blaze watching that. I ran from the racetrack as fast I could, making a beeline towards nowhere.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

I tried to convince myself it wasn’t a problem. Nothing was wrong. I didn’t have a problem. I was just overreacting, I was being crazy, and I didn’t have a problem.

So, I had a problem. The problem was Blaze.

Well, I guess Blaze wasn’t really the problem. The problem was that when I looked at him, or talked to him, or thought about him, my stomach kind of clenched and my palms got kind of sweaty, and the feeling was all too familiar. 

It was the feeling I used to get when I looked at Jennifer, the real Jennifer who’s bright eyes and soft laugh could send my head spinning.

Blaze also sent my head spinning. You see, this was the problem. It was a problem because I wasn’t gay. I mean I couldn’t be, right?

I would have asked Blaze about it, but that might have been awkward considering he was the one who was making me feel all these _things_ in the first place. I could have asked my parents, but like… no. That left pretty much one person who I really trusted with any kind of secret: Doc.

He was working on the DeLorean, as he always was those days, when I got to his place. 

“Hello, Marty!” he said, voice muffled by a welding helmet. He had a blowtorch in one hand.

“Hey.” I was damn nervous. I’d almost turned back home three times before I finally got to Doc’s. I had my walkman in a white knuckle grip.

“What brings you here?” Doc asked, still with the helmet on.

I shrugged. “Just wanted to help out.”

Doc showed me some screws that needed to be put in place, so I busied myself with those for a while. Unfortunately that meant I spent a lot of time thinking. 

_He won’t judge you_ , I tried to convince myself. _He’s old, yeah, but Doc’s always been an odd duck, even when he wasn’t old. You know that better than anyone_.

Eventually I got fed up with the back and forth. I’d tell him, I decided, and anyway I wasn’t about to come out and say I liked a guy (Which I wasn’t even _entirely_ sure I did. Maybe it was just a friend thing. I mean, anyone would look at Blaze and know he was attractive. Objectively. He was objectively attractive). I was just going to ask him what he knew on the subject. 

“Doc?” I said abruptly, placing my screwdriver on the ground. 

He looked up from where he was working. “Did something happen?”

The blowtorch, which Doc had forgotten to turn off, was getting dangerously close to the sheet that covered half the car.

“Doc, Doc, watch the blowtorch!”

Doc proceeded, in his confusion, to jab the blowtorch into the sheet. It burst into flames immediately. 

“Great Scott!” Doc cried, at the same time I said, “Shit!”

I started to panic a bit, since I was already full of nerves and didn’t want the house to burn down as I was afraid it might (the whole place was a serious fire hazard). Luckily Doc kept his head about him a bit better than me in that moment, and he threw a nearby bucket of cleaning fluid all over the flames. 

This successfully extinguished them, though it was only about five seconds after they were put out that the fire alarm decided to go off.

We spent another ten minutes trying to get the alarm to shut up, which was a greater task than it should have been, and then the incident was finally done with. Doc and I both sighed in relief. 

“Well,” Doc said, surveying the scene. The whole front half of the car was dripping with cleaning fluid and the blanket was slightly singed. “We ought to take a break and wait for that to dry off. Care to find out what’s in my fridge, Marty?”

Seeing what kind of horrendous state Doc’s food supply was in made me wonder if maybe I should wear full biohazard gear, but I followed Doc to the kitchen where Einstein was waiting nonetheless. Einstein whined when he saw us and sniffed our smokey clothes, but a reassuring pat from Doc put him at ease. 

“Hm, let’s see what we have now.” We searched Doc’s fridge and cupboards for something edible for a while until we finally came across a beaker filled with Oreos. They were a little stale, but I wasn’t one to turn down Oreos and neither was Doc. We snacked on them on the floor, since Doc’s couch was taken over by various scientific instruments.

I realized then that I had a question I’d forgotten to ask. Now’s as a good a time as any, I supposed.

“Hey, Doc, can I ask ya something?”

Doc hummed. “Of course.”

I took a deep breath. “So, uh… theoretically, if a guy likes a girl-”

“Marty, don’t tell me I have to give you the birds and the bees talk.”

My face heated up. “What? No! No. Not that at all.” Not only had I had that talk _ages_ ago, the thought of Doc giving it was immensely unappealing. “No, Doc, I’ve uh, had that talk. What I’m wondering though, well…” 

I’d spent a lot of time mustering up the courage to ask Doc my pressing question, but I hadn’t actually thought up what I was going to say. I cleared my throat. “Can someone, uh- well say our theoretical guy here, he knows he likes girls, but what does it mean if he… likes a guy? Is that a thing that happens?”

Doc blinked at me for a second. I wondered if maybe he had no idea what I was talking about. He could be a little socially unaware like that. But then he straightened up some and said, “Marty, are you inquiring about a bisexual?”

 _Bisexual_. The term sounded familiar. “Yeah, I think that’s what I mean.”

Doc took another Oreo and ate it in silence, seemingly mulling something over.

“Do you think that’s… okay?” I asked him.

Doc shrugged. “Well there’s no true scientific evidence that proves being sexually deviant in terms of gender is in any way harmful or unnatural. So, no, I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with bisexuality. Or homosexuality, for that matter.”

I could have hugged him with how relieved I was, but I just started breathing again. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath. 

“I- thanks, Doc.”

He studied me for a second longer. “Marty, please correct me if I’m wrong, but does this in any way have to do with… personal feelings?”

There was a beat of silence as Doc awaited my answer and I sat completely still, afraid if I moved something in me might come undone. Maybe it was stupid, but I just kept thinking, _why me_?

Why did _I_ have to get in a time machine and fuck up my entire life? Why did _I_ have to be stuck in a new universe with people I didn’t even know? Why did _I_ have to have the hots for some… some _guy_?

I was angry. Angry at Doc, for building the damn time machine in the first place, angry at myself for being such an idiot, angry at Blaze for making me feel things I wasn’t supposed to feel about him and didn’t want to feel about him. 

Mostly, I was angry at the universe, for fucking me over like it had.

So, to Doc, I just shrugged a little and shook my head. I knew my voice would sound awful rough if I tried to talk. I cleared my throat and stood, trying to hold onto my composure.

“I better go, Doc,” I said shakily. “Thanks for the Oreos.”

I left before I made myself look stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your kudos and comments make my day <3
> 
> i'll try to have the next chapter up within the week, but don't hold me to that lol


	5. Reconcile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So I heard this interesting rumor going around school,” Needles started, “About your friend there, Blaze. You know anything about that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, I suck at updating :(
> 
> tws for internalized homophobia and Needles being a homophobic sack of shit, which includes f****t being thrown around several times, as well as queer being used as a slur. also one racist line there too.

Being lonely is the worst feeling in the world.

I wandered around the backstreets of town for a while, thinking about how lonely I was. In some ways, it helped me, since I wasn’t thinking about time travel or Blaze or Jen or anything else. Just how lonely I was, and how sorry I felt for myself.

My pity party was cut short, however, when I looked up to see none other than Jen making her way towards me. She’d already spotted me, and there was no avoiding her.

“Marty!” She called, picking up her pace a little. I stayed where I was. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Looking all over for  _ me _ ? “Why?”

She stopped in front of me, panting a little. “Well, your parents called me all freaked out ‘cause they hadn’t seen you in like eight hours and it was getting dark,” she said, gesturing wildly as she talked. “So then I called up Blaze ‘cause I’ve noticed you two hang out a lot and  _ he _ said you ran off earlier and said you were going home and felt sick.  _ So _ me and him went out and tried to find you. And well, here I am.”

“Oh, you- oh.” I was grateful that they cared enough to go out and look for me, but Jen and Blaze were the two people I wanted to see least in the world right then. Especially Blaze.

“It’s good to see you’re okay,” Jen said. She looked suddenly nervous, as if all that had happened between us was suddenly catching up to her. “I was kinda concerned. And Blaze was practically hyperventilating, jesus. He seems so chill, I didn’t make him out to be such a worrier.”

I cocked my head at that. “He usually isn’t.”

“Weird.” Jen played with the hem of her skirt for a moment, not looking at me. “Marty… um, not saying you don’t have every right to be but… are you still mad? About what I did?”

She had to ask. I sighed and shoved my hands in the pockets of my vest. I didn’t know what to tell her. I wasn’t really  _ mad _ , and she didn’t even hurt me that badly because she wasn’t even the girl I actually liked. By that point, I was mostly just kind of sad things hadn’t worked out.

“I’m… not mad,” I managed.

Jen looked at me and her face lit up.

“Really?”

When she was looking at me like she was then, there was no way I could have said anything other than  _ of course _ , which is exactly what I did say.

Jen beamed and grabbed both my hands in hers. “Oh gosh Marty, you have no idea- I mean I’ve been stressing myself out like  _ crazy _ over this, ‘cause you really are a good friend and I felt so damn bad-”

I couldn’t help but smile at how enthusiastic she was. “Jen it’s-it’s okay.”

She hugged me then, which was a little much but I decided to roll with it. I hugged her back and took her hand as we walked to my house, where Blaze and Jen were supposed to meet up.

Blaze was already there. He was pacing around the front lawn, and when he saw us he seemed utterly relieved.

“Jesus fucking christ thank  _ god _ , Marty I thought you must have fuckin’ died or something with the way you ran off earlier.”

My face reddened a bit at the memory. “Yeah, uh, sorry about that.”

“It’s cool, as long as you’re okay.” He smiled at me, and his concern made something in my chest flutter. I think I was blushing.

Jen was glancing between the two of us with the kind of look a detective might give a particularly difficult case, and luckily before I could panic I had an idea. An arguably bad idea, but an idea nonetheless.

“Jen!” I said abruptly. Blaze and Jen both jumped a bit. “I need to… uh, talk to you about something.”

I nodded towards Blaze and hoped he got the message that I wanted to be alone with her. He shifted his weight from foot to foot awkwardly for a moment, eyes seeming to study me and then Jen, before he sighed and looked down at his feet.

“Maybe I should, uh-” he cleared his throat. “Maybe I should give you two some time.”

He turned and left, just like that, and I stared after his retreating form, confused. 

“That was kind of weird,” I remarked. He hadn’t even really said goodbye.

Jen was watching him too, seeming deep in thought. “Yeah…” She blinked and turned back to me. “Anyway, what’d you wanna talk about?”

“Let’s go up to my room, okay?”

Jen sat at the foot of my bed, twirling a piece of hair around her finger, and I sat at the head, trying not to feel nervous. 

“Marty,” Jen said, moving closer to me, “What’s wrong?”

I glanced at her.  _ She’s really pretty _ , I thought,  _ and she’s nice. She’s fun and maybe not your Jennifer but she  _ is _ a girl _ . 

She was looking at me intently, awaiting my response, but right then I didn’t have much of one. So instead, because an image of Blaze’s face popped into my mind and I thought I knew how to get rid of it, I leaned over and kissed her.

She made a surprised little squeak and pushed me away, staring at me in confusion.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “I’m sorry I just-”

She was still looking at me like she was trying to solve a puzzle. “Why’d you kiss me?” 

I shrugged. “Because… I like you.” Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that wasn’t true, but the desperation in me to stop thinking about Blaze like I had been recently was stronger than my conscience or my morals.

Jen narrowed her eyes. “No you don’t,” she said.

I blinked in surprise. “What’d you mean?”

She paused and looked away from me, biting her lip. “You don’t like me, Marty. Ever since that camping trip… I don’t know what it is, but you’re different and you don’t like me like you did. You like Blaze.”

_Crap_ , I thought, _deny everything_. “W-what?” I stammered. “Blaze? That’s-no that’s crazy, I don’t like- Blaze is a _guy_.”

“No duh.”

“So I don’t- Jen that doesn’t even- what are you… uh…” 

Jen sighed and put her hand on my shoulder. “Marty, it doesn’t matter if you don’t like me anymore. Sometimes things don’t work out. But you and Blaze… well first of all, you should know that I don’t care if you like boys.”

“You don’t?”

She shook her head. “No. My sister, actually… I don’t think I ever told you this, but she’s a lesbian.”

Jennifer had a sister, too. She was six years older than us and lived in San Francisco. I’d never seen her before, and Jennifer told me her parents and her sister had a falling out, so her sister wasn’t welcome home anymore. 

Jen continued. “My parents kicked her out, you know, but she was always my best friend as a kid so I couldn’t bring myself to hate her. It broke me up a lot, but sometimes I still see her on the weekends and she educates me on gays and stuff. So, you know, it doesn’t make a difference to me who you like. My sister says love shouldn’t be based on gender, and that’s probably true.”

I processed this.  _ Love shouldn’t be based on gender _ . 

I took a deep breath. “Jen, I… think I might be bisexual.”

There, I said it. 

I was nervous about Jen’s response. She said she didn’t care, but what was she supposed to say? What if she told someone or-

She did something that I wasn’t expecting, which was to reach over and hug me.

“I’m glad you told me,” she said. 

I hugged her back, feeling the anxiety in me dissipate. “Thanks for telling me about your sister and stuff,” I said. “That helped a lot.”

She pulled away, biting her lip and looking down at the floor nervously. Then she slowly held up her hand and looked me in the eye. “Friends?”

I hesitated for a moment, staring at her hand. She made a mistake and she hurt me, but I wasn’t going to hold it against her forever. I could forgive her. 

I shook on it.

“Friends.”

Since Jen and I were friends, we started hanging out more. At the same time, Blaze seemed to want to hang out with me  _ less _ . I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. 

Jen said I should ask him about it, so I did. Multiple times.

“Homework’s been brutal lately,” he’d say, or “My mom needs me to watch my sister.”

I knew this was bullshit because we had most of the same teachers and  _ I _ sure wasn’t busy, and Blaze’s sister was 14. She’d never needed watching before. But I figured maybe Blaze was just going through some stuff, and I’d let him be. If he didn’t want to talk to me, that was fine.

Actually, I missed him a lot.

Mostly I denied my feelings for him, even to myself, but sometimes it was difficult to do so when all I could think about was him. Sometimes I was pissed at him for avoiding me, other times I wondered if it was something I did, and still other times I’d just think about  _ him _ . His face when he was watching the races, his laugh, the freckles on his nose that were brought out by the sun.

It was really corny, and when I caught myself thinking like that I’d immediately try to fill my head with something else. But what Doc and Jen said to me had really helped, and I found I wasn’t as disturbed by thinking I could like Blaze. 

However, despite knowing liking Blaze wasn’t morally  _ wrong _ , it still sat weird with me. 

Jen told me her sister called that ‘internalized homophobia’, which Jen honestly didn’t do a great job explaining, but at least she was trying. I don’t think she totally understood what it meant, either. We were working through the whole thing together. It was nice not feeling so alone, like I had before. I was finally starting to feel like maybe I could make this universe work.

This, of course, did not mean all my problems were solved. There was still the Blaze issue, and I was starting to feel more and more like there was something  _ I’d _ done to upset him. I thought back on what that possibly could have been, but I couldn’t piece it together.

Was he mad at me for running off at the race? He said he forgave me, so that wouldn’t make sense. I puzzled over it for a while, but in the end I was just left frustrated. I couldn’t figure out why he was avoiding me, and it was starting to get on my nerves. 

“Marty!” Jennifer nearly collided with me in the cafeteria, and I barely managed to save my chocolate milk from falling to the floor. Thank god, that would have been tragic. 

I readjusted my lunch in my hands. “Jesus, Jen, you scared me. What’s wrong?” 

Jen bit her lip and glanced anxiously behind her. “Well, Needles-”

She didn’t get to finish, because a second later Needles was lumbering over, followed by his trusty pack as always.

“Hey, McFly!” He called, stopping when he was only a few feet away. Jen stood to the side looking worried. 

“What?” I said, trying to cross my arms but realizing I was carrying a tray of food. I opted instead to just scowl at Needles as threateningly as I could. I’d had just about enough of his shit. 

Needles held up his hands like he was surrendering. “Geez McFly, what’s your damage? I’m just trying to help you out.”

I glared harder. “Help me out? Why would you ever-”

Needles rolled his eyes. “Ah shut up, would ya? Walk with me.”

He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me through the cafeteria, keeping his pace relatively casual. I wrenched my arm out of his grasp but still decided to keep up with him and see what he had to say. 

“So I heard this interesting rumor going around school,” Needles started, “About your friend there, Blaze. You know anything about that?”

“Well I  _ might _ if you would tell me what the rumor’s about,” I mumbled. I was beginning to get a bad feeling about me.

Needles went on as if I hadn’t spoken. “Man am I glad I kicked him out of the gang. If he’d been around much longer, he probably would’ve done something terrible. Is that what he does to you, McFly? Is that why you hang around him so much?”

Geez, he didn’t have to be so cryptic about it. Still, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I already knew what Needles was referring to. “Needles, get to the point,” I said, though I wasn’t sure I wanted him to.

“The point is, McFly,” Needles said, “That your friend Blaze is a faggot.”

_ Shit _ . Needles knew. I didn’t know how, but he knew, and that was bad. That was really, really bad. I stopped abruptly. “What the hell are you talking about?” 

Needles shrugged. “Well that’s what I heard, McFly, and it doesn’t seem totally mental, if ya ask me. He always was a poser. And that’s probably why he started hanging out with  _ you _ over  _ me _ . I mean, who’d risk their position in this school just to veg around with you?”

“Shut up,” I said. He didn’t, of course. 

“I have a theory that he did it ‘cause he  _ likes _ you. You like him too, McFly? Or does he even ask before he puts his fag hands all over you? I bet he doesn’t.”

“Shut,  _ up _ .”

“Some Mexican queer like him don’t belong in our school. You think a good beating would wise him up some? My old man says you can beat the queer outta anyone if you hit ‘em hard enough.”

I was so mad I barely even knew what I was doing. Needles didn’t have any right to talk about Blaze like that. One second I was standing there, fists clenched, and the next Needles was stumbling back, holding his jaw, my lunch was all over the floor, and my hand was smarting like crazy. Someone was dragging me away. 

“Stop it,” I said to whoever had a hold on me. “Stop it, lemme give him what he deserves!”

“Marty, cool it,” Jen’s voice snapped. “You’re outnumbered and Strickland is making his way over here right now. Let’s bounce.”

I took a deep breath and let her lead me out of the cafeteria. I looked back one more time to find Needles glaring daggers at me as Strickland dug into him. 

Crap, I was really in for it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip the chocolate milk
> 
> we're halfway through! The chapter count might decrease just because I consolidated a few things and switched around the plot, but I'm not sure yet.


	6. Sticks and Stones (and Douglas Needles)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody whistled from a few yards away. Everyone's heads snapped toward the sound. There was Blaze, standing with an apple in his hand and his arms raised above his head. 
> 
> “Looking for the faggot?” He called. He was grinning from ear to ear. In that moment, I thought he must be crazy.
> 
> Needles growled. “Son of a bitch!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slams the post button and banshee screeches*
> 
> the moment you've all been waiting for (kinda)
> 
> this chapter gave me some _insane_ writers block, but I've managed to finish it. so while I'm not totally happy with how it turned out, here you are.

“You’re a pain in the ass, McFly.” Needles hit me again. I tried to hit him back, but one of his henchmen held me down. I cursed at them through gritted teeth. 

“I don’t even care about that faggot anymore,” Needles continued. “At least, not right now. But you made a damn fool outta me in the cafeteria today, and I can’t have that.”

He sneered, and I spat blood at him. He just punched me so hard I saw stars. 

My plan was to make my escape home as soon as the bell rang. Unfortunately, Needles had been anticipating this. He was, like, a _tiny_ bit smarter than I gave him credit for, and sometimes that landed me in situations like the one I was in then.

“Have at him,” he said, and the guy holding me threw me to the ground. I wasn’t going down that easy, though. I heaved myself up onto my knees and punched one guy in the stomach. He doubled over, swearing, before another one came up behind me and shoved. I lost my balance, but I managed to elbow him in the side before I caught myself on my hands. Needles laughed and kicked me in the stomach, and I tried to curse but I just sputtered and fell on my side. 

The other three came after me then and kicked me a few times each. Fuck, did that hurt. 

I could hear Needles jeering at me in the background, but it was suddenly cut short with small “oof” and then, “What the hell?” The kicking stopped, and I looked up.

Needles was holding an apple in his hand and rubbing the side of his head, looking perplexed.

“Someone threw that at you?” One of the guys asked. I’m pretty sure his name was Fred, but he was a few years younger than me so I didn’t know him. 

_Look at me, getting beat up by a sophomore_ , I thought. _High school. The glory days._

“Yeah, I didn’t see the fucker though-”

Somebody whistled from a few yards away. Everyone's heads snapped toward the sound. There was Blaze, standing with an apple in his hand and his arms raised above his head. 

“Looking for the faggot?” He called. He was grinning from ear to ear. In that moment, I thought he must be crazy.

Needles growled. “Son of a bitch!” 

He charged, and Blaze took off running. 

“You stay with him,” one of the other guys ordered Fred, and he and one other sprinted after Needles and Blaze. I turned my attention to Fred. 

“You don’t need to make this difficult,” he said. “Just stay down.”

Like hell.

I flipped on my back and kicked him as hard as I could in the crotch. He let out a surprised cry and then groaned, his hands over his crotch as he doubled over in pain. I snickered. Got ‘em.

I got to my feet and ran as fast as I could towards home. I could hear Needles and the others with him shouting in the distance, and it occurred to me that I should probably assist Blaze. I didn’t want him to suffer the same fate as me, after all.

I turned around to try and find him, but just as I did someone grabbed the strap of my backpack and pulled me forward. I was really getting tired of being pulled around.

“C’mon, we gotta go!” 

Blaze was dragging me away from the school, and after a moment to regain myself I picked up my own pace, the two of us sprinting down Main Street like maniacs. 

“Ah geez,” Blaze said in between pants, “I didn’t expect to move to a new town just to get chased down by a psychopathic seventeen year old. This was supposed to be a fresh start!”

I glanced over at him incredulously. “You mean this has happened to you before?”

“Well, _no_ , not exactly.”

I decided I didn’t even want to know, at least, not right then.

We ran until we were out of the town center and down a side street. We finally came to a stop next to a secluded house surrounded by a chain link fence where I doubled over, coughing and swearing.

“Shit,” Blaze said, resting one of his hands on my back as I grabbed the fence for support. I could feel the warmth of his touch through my shirt and it almost distracted me from how much my entire body was aching and smarting. My head was pounding like crazy.

“I’m okay,” I said, standing up dizzily. 

Blaze’s hand moved to my shoulder. “You’re bleeding.”

“No.”

“No? Yes you are.”

I could taste blood in my mouth, so I don’t really know why I denied it. 

Blaze sighed. “It’s okay,” he said. He hesitated for a moment. “I can get you cleaned up. If you want.”

Maybe if my head wasn’t hurting so bad, I would have said no. Blaze had been ignoring me for, like, a week, first of all, and I also didn’t want to put myself in a situation that could potentially be very, very awkward.

As it was, I just nodded and let him lead me to his house. 

“But seriously, apples?” I said as we walked.

Blaze laughed, mostly out of surprise I think. “My mom is obsessed with that ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ thing. I swear to god, the woman puts like four of them in my backpack every day. I had to get rid of them somehow.”

There was music coming from the kitchen and a woman singing when we stepped inside Blaze’s house. Blaze shut the front door quietly enough so that the ruckus blocked the sound for whoever was home, I assumed it was his mother. We crept to the bathroom, where I sat on the toilet seat and he rifled through the cabinet for first aid.

“Your nose is bleeding like crazy,” he said. “You sure it’s not broken?”

I touched it. It had swelled up and it sure didn’t feel _nice_ , but I didn’t think it was broken. “It’s okay,” I said. 

Blaze turned to me with a small white box in his hands, which he set on the sink counter and rummaged around in for a second before pulling out some gauze.

“I’ll clean off your face,” he said decidedly, a little faster than he usually talked, “And then I guess… what else did they do to you? Shit, do you think you need a hospital? That coughing didn’t sound too good-”

“Blaze,” I interrupted, “Breath, man. I’m fine. Just take it one step at a time.”

He hesitated for a moment, just staring at me, before nodding and wetting the gauze in the sink. He was bothered by something, but I couldn’t figure out what. He squatted down in front of me and tentatively touched the wet gauze to my face, drawing it over my various cuts and bruises. He had to get an extra piece to wipe up my nose.

“Here,” he said, grabbing two tissues from a kleenex box, “put these in your nose.”

I did as I was told, and Blaze got back to work on my face. He was making the same expression he often did while watching the races. Brows knitted together, eyes focused. His tongue poked out a tiny bit between his lips, and I felt something in my face heat up. Everything about him right then was just kinda… cute.

 _Oh man_ , I thought, _I’m really gay for this kid._

“They did this because of me,” Blaze said abruptly, though he didn’t stop working and his expression didn’t change.

I reached up my hand to grab his wrist, keeping it still. He looked me in the eye.

“No,” I said. “You had nothing to do with it.”

“From what I heard, you were sticking up for me.”

“Sure, but I did it ‘cause I wanted to. It’s not your fault. Anyway, who told you that?”

“Jen.”

Made sense.

Blaze was quiet for a moment. “I wish you didn’t know,” he mumbled. The words took me a bit by surprise. “No one was s’posed to, y’know? Like, it was gonna be a fresh start. I’m just… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I don’t care about that.” _I’m like you, too_.

“It got you hurt,” he insisted.

“Well, maybe it was worth it.”

“It wasn’t.”

I didn’t say anything. He was looking down at me, lips parted and eyes shining, and I wondered what his mouth felt like. I wondered what it was like to touch him, to cup his face in my palms and press my lips to his. I wanted to kiss him. Turns out, I didn’t have to.

He kissed me.

It only lasted a fraction of a second, not enough time for me to register what was happening and kiss back, but enough time for me to know it was real. Blaze stumbled backward a few steps, eyes blown wide.

“Sorry,” he said. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I-” 

I was frozen, staring at him in shock. I could feel his lips on mine, the warmth where he’d kissed me spreading to my cheeks. 

“Blaze,” I managed, knowing I had to say _something_. 

“Please don’t freak out,” he pleaded. “I mean, actually you have every right to freak out, I don’t know why I did that and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I said.

He relaxed, if only a little. “It is?” There was hope behind his words, something tentative and delicate and that’s when I realized, almost for certain, that he really did feel something for me and possibly had for a while. 

I should have probably been excited, or relieved, but the thought just made me anxious.

“I’m not gonna freak out.”

He slumped against the wall opposite me, sliding down it until he was sitting on the floor. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

We both just sat there for what was probably ten seconds, but felt a lot longer. I was trying to take deep breaths and _not freak out_ because I told Blaze I wouldn’t. I don’t think it was the kind of freaking out he thought I was going to do because I wasn’t about to get angry, but I still had to keep my composure. 

It’s just that I could feel where he kissed me like the warm feeling you get when the sun hits your skin on a summer day, and I couldn’t figure out why this made me want to flee. Maybe it had something to do with how he was a boy, and I was a boy, and I really wanted him to do it again.

I thought I’d gotten over the whole “being afraid of my own bisexuality” thing. Or whatever Jen called it. _Internalized homophobia_. 

“Why have you been avoiding me?” I blurted suddenly, because it had been on my mind since pretty much the moment he goaded Needles into chasing him. 

Blaze sighed and played with his hands nervously. “I… honestly it’s stupid man, but-” he laughed uncomfortably, “I couldn’t stand seeing you with Jen.”

“What?”

He started talking a mile a minute. “I know that’s super dumb and jealous but I- well the thing is I almost thought you liked me back for a while, and then you started going out with her and I knew I was wrong and I guess I just needed some time-”

“Wait, dude,” I held up my hand. “Shut up. What?”

He blinked, and then flushed red like he realized he was rambling. “What do you not get?” 

I mulled over what he’d told me for a second. “Okay, first of all,” I said, “I’m not dating Jen.”

Blaze looked confused. “You’re not…?” He stared down at his hands like they would help him figure out where he’d misunderstood what was going on. “Shit,” he said after a moment, “I just assumed.” 

“We decided we wanted to just be friends,” I explained. 

“Oh. Geez, I’m sorry. That was stupid of me.”

I shrugged. “ _Well_ , maybe not stupid but… you could’ve asked either of us.”

He didn’t say anything else, just stared down at his shoes, but there was something expectant about his posture. I knew he was waiting for me to react to how he’d kissed me and then basically confessed his feelings for me. Honestly, I was curious how I was going to react to all that, too. I didn’t have the right thing to do or say. 

“I better- I better go,” I mumbled. Definitely not what I’d wanted to come out of my mouth, but I said it nonetheless.

Blaze looked defeated, though I think he was trying to hide it. “Yeah,” he said, “Okay.”

 _Idiot_ , I thought. I could have kissed him or something, but no, I just had to hurt him. Stupid, stupid. 

I went over to Jen’s, hoping to find some kind of relief from my recent life. Jen gave great advice. From what I knew, she’d dated a lot of boys, and she’d fuck over anyone who dared call her a slut. I found it quite admirable.

“Listen,” she said when I told her what happened, “I know this isn’t easy, but you can’t leave him hanging forever. You’re already hurting him, and you and me both don’t want that.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I know.” 

She continued. “Remember, society told you you aren’t supposed to like boys.” It was a conversation we’d had before.

“Right,” I said.

“And what do we tell society?”

“To fuck off.”

“Good. Now go out there and tell that boy you like him.”

I put my head in my hands. “Jen, it’s not that easy.”

“Just pretend he’s a girl. How would you talk to a girl?”

“But he’s not a girl.” Anyway, I may not have been as bad as my dad was, but I still got kind of nervous around pretty girls. 

Jen cocked her head and thought about that for a second. “Okay, I see your point. Still, you actually need to tell him and you can’t wait like three years.”

“Yes yes, I know that. I’m working on it.”

I really was. I’d considered calling him, or going back to his house and straight up kissing him on the doorstep like some kind of romance movie. Maybe Jen could turn on the sprinkler and we could pretend it was raining. 

Jen suddenly got a look on her face like she’d realized something. It turned slightly mischievous very quickly.

“What?” I said.

She stood abruptly from her bed and started organizing her room in some kind of frenzy. “I need to make a few calls,” she said, straightening out her skirt and opening the door to her room. “Get some sleep and think this over. See you tomorrow at school.”

She ushered me out the door before I could so much as utter a protest, and I was left confused. She had some sort of plan, I was sure of it, but I wasn’t sure I was going to like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! please tell me what you think! 
> 
> I sort of have a job right now so I have less free time, also my animal crossing addiction takes up like half my day (it's bad, guys), so I might be getting out chapters somewhat slower. thanks for being patient with me!


	7. I Fucking Updated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen plays matchmaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit of a short one but im just proud of myself for posting. also i totally didn't read thru it... i'll do that later but if there's errors or it's just plain bad then im sorry.
> 
> u r all allowed to be mad abt my shitty update schedule. im sorry i just have depression and a procrastination problem ok
> 
> tw for underage drinking and recreational underage drug use. also some steamy happenings but no smut or anything.
> 
> edit: I've proofread this now and made some changes so y'all can disregard that

I was still confused about what Jen had been so excited by when she stopped by my locker the next morning, looking pleased with herself.

“My parents are going away for the weekend,” she said, “and I’m having a small get together with some friends. Wanna come?”

“What do you mean by small?” I asked, gathering up my books.

She shrugged. “I’m inviting over some of my girlfriends, your guys in the band, you and… Blaze.”

I groaned. “ _Jen_.”

“What?”

“If this is some elaborate plan to get me and Blaze together, then forget it.”

She looked a little hurt by that. “It’s not! It’ll just be a fun little party, I promise. You guys don’t even have to talk to each other, if that’s what you want.” She was doing a very bad job hiding how hopeful she was that I’d say yes.

I sighed. “Oh my God, I’ll go.”

“Yes!” Jen clapped and scampered in front of me, looking over her shoulder. “This is my stop,” she said, hooking her thumb towards her English classroom, “But be at my house on Saturday at 6:30 sharp, got it?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

The first thirty minutes of the party were painfully awkward, with everyone drinking non-alcoholic fruit punch from solo cups and making small talk in Jen’s basement. She was convinced it had been a bust, that is until Paul and Bobby showed up with alcohol and _special_ brownies, which definitely kicked off the festivities.

Also, Blaze had not showed up yet, which was making me increasingly agitated. Jen assured me he was coming.

“Here,” Lee said, handing me a brownie. He was already visibly stoned himself. “You look tense.”

“I’m not,” I lied. 

Lee just shoved the brownie at me and I had no choice but to take it from him. He stumbled away to the couch to woo some of Jen’s equally high friends, which was amusing an amusing spectacle to watch.

I stared down at the brownie in my hands for a minute. Now, historically, intoxication hadn’t really worked out in my favor, but Jen was sure having fun (she was making out with Paul, which, ew), and seemingly so was everyone else. Anyway, I didn’t want to be such a dweeb about it. Maybe it _would_ help me calm down a little.

I gulped it down in three bites, before I had the chance to second guess myself. I was beginning to feel the buzz fifteen minutes or so later.

Jen teetered over to me on her heels she’d dressed up in. The smile on her face looked borderline looney. “Hey,” she said. She was holding a cup of the until-recently non-alcoholic punch in one hand. Paul sat on the couch, blinking after her and looking pretty spaced out.

“Hey, hi,” I replied.

“So, uh, I wanted to tell you there’s alcohol in the punch,” she said. She took a sip of said punch. “And also, uh, pot in the brownies.”

I shrugged. “I know that.”

“Hey,” she said again. She was giggling. “Hey, did you eat one?”

I shrugged again and found myself giggling, too. 

“Hey,” Jen said, “Your friend Paul is pretty hot.” She cocked her head and looked over at him, where he was trying to get Lisa to smell his armpits. He wasn’t really my type.

“Anyway,” Jen turned back to me, “Blaze called. Said he was gonna be late, he already got boozed up at some drag race across town.”

She was heading back to the couch before I could come up with any way to respond, but I didn’t really care. Those brownies sure were good. I got up and ate another one. My bandmates, Paul and Lee especially, loved getting high. I thought maybe I sort of understood it.

After that I think I lost time. I don't remember much of the party after the next one and half brownies. All I could recollect was Lisa taking off her jeans, Jen taking off her shirt, and Lee taking off everything besides his underwear. Jen told me later they were playing truth or dare. Apparently many other people got many other forms of half naked, but I had no memory of that. 

Maybe it was better I wasn’t very present for it, because otherwise there’s a high probability I would have shed an article of clothing or two myself. 

“Marty,” Jen said, shirtless and giggling uncontrollably. Her shoes had at some point been doused in punch and then found their resting place on the ceiling fan (“Out of harms way,” Jen had explained from her spot tip toe on the floor where she could easily reach them), but she was so drunk that she wobbled dangerously anyway. Her bra strap was slipping off her shoulder. I leaned forward impulsively and righted it.

“Whas’sup?” I said. I was sitting on the couch, or next to it, or somewhere around there, where Bobby was drunkenly trying to play guitar. 

Jen leaned in close, so her mouth was right next to my ear. “Blaze is here,” she whispered, not very effectively because Bobby glanced at the two of us curiously.

“R-Really?!” I said, face flushing. Under normal circumstances I would have been embarrassed about it.

Jen nodded enthusiastically. She pointed across the room, towards the ping pong table. 

He was talking animatedly to Lisa, hands flying in every direction. I hadn’t seen him like that before, so carefree. It was… damnit, he was so adorable sometimes and-

“Why are you staring at him?” 

I felt my eyes bug out of my skull. Bobby was blinking at me expectantly from where he’d just asked the incriminating question. 

“Uhhhhhh,” I said.

Jen clutched at her stomach and fell to the floor with laughter, even though it wasn’t _that_ funny.

Bobby looked over at him now, too. “I guess he does look kinda weird. Like he just came from a car garage or somethin’.”

Jen laughed harder. If it satisfied Bobby, it satisfied me. 

Blaze had some oil streaked across his face and his white t-shirt, and his jeans and boots were smudged with dirt. It was hotter than it probably should have been.

“Yep,” I squeaked, slightly delayed. “Weird. Really weird. Really, really weird.”

Bobby nodded with understanding. “Really, really, really weird.”

And he went back to his guitar. Stairway To Heaven was coming along nicely.

Blaze must have felt our eyes on him, because he was looking over at the three of us now. Specifically, he was looking at me. Jen glanced up from her placed on the floor, noticing.

“Ooh,” she said, her eyes flicking between us momentarily before she grabbed Bobby by the arm and began marching him towards another corner of the room.

“Wha--?” Bobby said, his guitar hitting the floor with a soft thunk.

“I wanna make out,” Jen said.

Bobby’s eyes went wide. “Oh! Oh, okay. Really? Oh, yeah. Okay.” His mouth kept running as she led him away. 

“Hey.”

I jumped. Blaze was standing a few feet away from me, leaning awkwardly on the arm rest of the couch. He was staring at the floor.

“Um, hi.”

He looked at me. “I’m really drunk,” he said.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I had those… those brownies.”

“I didn’t see them.”

“They’re good brownies.”

“Huh.”

He kept standing there, staring at me. I shifted. Jen’s words echoed in my head.

 _Go out there and tell that boy you like him_.

Her sheer confidence a minute or two ago, just grabbing Bobby by the hand and telling him she wanted to make out, instilled the same sort of spirit in me.

Or maybe it was just the high.

Either way, I’d made up my mind.

“C’mon,” I said to Blaze, standing.

He seemed to be startled out of his thoughts. “What?”

“C’mon,” I repeated. “We’re going to the bedroom.”

He stared at me. I gestured for him to follow.

“We’re going to the bedroom,” he parroted finally. “The--the bedroom?”

“Get your mind outta the gutter,” I told him sharply, though in retrospect I could have phrased it differently. “We can only talk in private, remember?”

Blaze’s face went red. I turned and started walking, only bothering to look and see if he was following me when we got to the top of the stairs. 

“Do you know where you’re going?” he asked.

“Of course. I’ve been here before.”

In the kitchen, Lee had a freshman girl sat up on the counter and the two were making out with abandon. Blaze looked mildly disgusted, which caused me to laugh.

Lee turned to face us. “McFly!” He said. “Get outta here. Don’t be a creep.” The girl looked horrified to have been caught. If only they knew what Blaze and I would be doing in a few minutes.

I grabbed Blaze’s wrist and retreated from the kitchen, leading him upstairs. Jen’s room was occupied—we found that out the hard way—so instead we settled for what I knew to be her parents bedroom.

“Woah,” Blaze said, gazing around, “this is nice.”

Jen’s whole house was nice, in fact. Her parents really went all out on their room, though.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, letting my feet dangle over the side. Blaze stood standing, still holding a plastic cup full of beer and seeming a little unsure. He kept glancing up at my face and then back down into the cup again, like he was making sure one of the two was still there. 

The silence was killing me.

“Blaze,” I blurted, thanking those brownies for lowering my inhibitions, “you kissed me.”

He swallowed nervously, his eyes now fixed solely on the cup. “Yeah.”

I was wishing he’d look at me. “Do you wanna do it again?”

Blaze lifted his head to stare at me, mouth agape. I noticed the cup in his hand tilting dangerously to the side and I sprang forward in an effort to save Jen’s parent’s rug.

When I had the cup in my own hands I looked up to find Blaze was quite close to me. Closer than I had meant for.

“You…” he swallowed. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

Saving the rug turned out to be a pointless endeavor. In a moment the cup had fallen to the ground as I surged up to capture Blaze’s lips in mine.

For a moment he was still, the only noise or movement that came from him was a sharp intake of breath. But once he’d gotten his bearings he responded in kind, steadying me with his hands and chasing my mouth with his own. I led him backward to the bed and he pushed me down to it, his hands coming to frame either side of my face. He pulled away for a moment to breath.

“I’m drunk,” he said. 

I giggled. “I know.” I pulled him down by the collar of his shirt and he kissed me again, climbing onto the bed beside me. 

“God,” he said. “Jesus. Holy shit.”

“Blaze, I swear to God if you keep talking.”

Time passes differently when you’re so close to someone, I think. There’s something about kissing that’s even more intimate than sex. The passage of time escaped me, but I remember unbuttoning his shirt and him tugging on mine until both our tops were a heap on the floor. It was only when my hand slid lower, to the clasp of his jeans, that he stopped.

“Marty,” he said, and his eyes were startlingly sober, “Maybe we shouldn’t.”

“I want to,” I replied, wrapping my legs around his waist and tugging slightly.

He shook his head. “But you’re not thinking like yourself. And honestly, neither am I. Let’s just… wait, okay?”

I pouted, but didn’t push further. Instead I wiggled out from under him so I was on my side, and he turned to face me. Both of us were hesitant to move, even under the influence. It felt like after we’d come _this_ close to having sex we should have been more comfortable with each other, but what were we supposed to do? 

After a second Blaze answered that question. He lifted his arm, slowly but surely, and placed it delicately over my waist. I could barely breathe. 

“This okay?” He asked, voice a breathy whisper.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

It was kind of funny, I thought, how we were being so cautious now. Like something might break if we didn’t keep everything slow, thought out. It contrasted in ridiculous proportions to how the room had been just two or three minutes ago. I couldn’t help but laugh at the two of us. 

Blaze laughed too, in confusion. “What?” 

“We’re so stupid,” I said, which succeeded only in confusing him further. I didn’t much feel like talking though, so in a moment of giddy confidence I wrapped one arm around his back and looped the other over against his shoulder. He tensed for a moment, but quickly relaxed.

“Marty, I—what does this mean?” His eyes were wide and brown and so pretty.

“You ask too many questions,” I said. “Go to sleep.”

He opened his mouth to protest but I flipped around and pressed my back into his chest, and that shut him up pretty quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just saying Marty is probably a power bottom
> 
> anyways
> 
> im sorry this took me forever. like, five months or something. i am going to finish this fic tho. or at least i plan to.
> 
> see y'all at the next update or in hell whichever comes first.


End file.
